The stuff smiles are made of…

Noche de Nachos: The citizens of Las Cruces, NV know how to celebrate Noche de Nachos, a festival celebrating the Mexican dish that blends tortilla chips, cheese, salsa and ground beef spiced up with jalapeno peppers. They gathered smack dab in the center of town recently to snack on the world’s largest serving of the stuff. It weighed in at 5,039 pounds, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] giving Las Cruces a good shot at getting into the Guinness Book of World Records. The current record stands at a measly 4,689 pounds.

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Sky cops: Traffic cops in Dubai are apparently preparing for the day flying cars come into vogue. The police there are learning how to fly so-called Hover Bikes, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. The drone-like vehicles will also be used to access hard to reach areas in an emergency.

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The 24 days of Christmas: Just in time for the holidays, a British spirits distributor is offering an advent calendar for adults. Instead of chocolate treats the calendar offers up daily doses of “very old and rare” whiskies from around the world. The calendar features 24 individual drams of whiskies including one that would set you back $24,656.78 if you purchased a bottle of the stuff, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. In fact, the alcoholic advent calendar, which comes in a walnut or ebony box, costs a pretty penny, $12,977.19 to be exact.

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The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth: They call Oleg Skavych “Tug-Tooth.” The Ukrainian strongman earned the moniker by pulling a 21 ½ ton streetcar with his teeth, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. Recently old Tug-Tooth did it again, this time pulling a 677-ton cargo ship a distance of more than 52 feet using only his choppers.

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Foot fetish: A pair of Canadian shoe designers have come up with a pair of high heel shoes designed not for comfort but for their shock value. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] explains that you have to see these pumps to believe them. The thigh-high shoes are called “Skin Heels” because they are unabashedly designed to look like a woman’s feet. But, if you are interested in being fitted for these boots, let the buyer beware because they’ll cost you an arm and a leg or $10,000 a pair.

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A rare bird, indeed: It might look like a colorful decoy, but it is a real, live duck. New York City was abuzz recently with the news that a genuine Mandarin duck had found a home in a lake in Central Park. It was first spotted last month, and Park Ranger John McCoy believes a pet owner might have released it in Central Park. It’s more than unlikely that this rara avis winged it to the Big Apple all the way from Asia on its own.

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Up the mazy river: People tend to get creative around Halloween. Take Tom Pearcy, owner of the York Maze, the largest maze of its kind in the U.K. According to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], Tom grew a massive pumpkin this year. It weighs nearly 1,400 pounds and so he petitioned the folks who keep track of official world records at Guinness, not that he thought he could win the title for the biggest pumpkin ever grown. That belongs to a Belgian whose gourd weighed in at 2,624.6 pounds. Tom sought the title for the biggest pumpkin boat. He scooped out his jack-o-lantern and turned it into a pumpkin boat. There is no standard record for a pumpkin boat, so Tom might be the first record holder for that category – if Guinness agrees to establish one.

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Old news: Goodwill of Southern New Jersey and Greater Philadelphia received quite the contribution from an anonymous donor — an intact pre-revolutionary war newspaper. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] reports that the Dec. 28, 1774 edition of the Pennsylvania Journal and Weekly Advertiser was appraised at $18,000. Appraiser Robert Snyder, who authenticated the newspaper, noted that there are three other copies of the same paper at Yale, Illinois State University and Chicago University.

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Hey, big tipper: A customer tipped his waitress at the Sup Dogs Restaurant in Greenville, NC after paying for the bottled water he’d ordered. It was a big tip. It was a very large gratuity. It was enormous, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. To be exact, it was $10,000 worth of thank yous. The waitress was taken aback but didn’t forget her coworkers with whom she shared her good fortune.

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Nose news: Winter will soon be upon us and that means another season of cold, runny noses. But, fear not, says the Association of Mature American Citizens. AMAC reports that a British company has come out with a new way to keep Jack Frost from nipping at your nose this year.  Aptly enough, it is called the NoseWarmer. The Nose Warmer Company offers a fashionable array of proboscis protectors and they ship worldwide for about $10 a pop

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Honesty is the best policy: Nebraska has a new campaign to attract tourists.  It boasts print ads with headlines such as “Lucky for you there’s nothing to do here.”  Yet another advertisement brags that the state is “Famous for our flat, boring landscape,” according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC].  Noting that Nebraska is “the least likely state” when it comes to attracting tourists, State Tourism Director John Ricks says “the new brand platform is defined by honesty. The overarching concept of honesty is rooted in a mindset that values transparency, purity and simplicity.”

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She’s a big girl: It was Fat Bear Week at Alaska’s Katmai National Park and Beadnose was the people’s choice for this year’s fattest bear competition, reports the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC].  The park posted pictures of 12 bears to choose from on its Web site and, Beadnose, whose estimated weight was figured to be 409 pounds, took the honors.  The park put it this way when describing why Beadnose was selected: “Her radiant rolls were deemed by the voting public to be this year’s most fabulous flab.  Our chubby champ has a few more weeks to chow down on lingering salmon carcasses before she heads up the mountains to dig herself a den and savor her victory.”

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The stuff that smiles are made of…

Pretty scary pumpkin: A competitive farmer in New York State was just 600 pounds shy of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records. His 2027-pound pumpkin was a lightweight compared to the pumpkin that won the title of world’s heaviest in 2016—a 2,624.6-pound gourd that still holds the record, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. But, Karl Haist had the satisfaction of winning $3,500 in prize money at the World Pumpkin Weigh-Off held in Clarence, NY recently. It was declared the biggest pumpkin ever grown in the state of New York.

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What a cookie: A Pennsylvania man who commutes to work in New Jersey played the lottery there after having a meal at a Chinese restaurant, at the end of which he was presented with fortune cookie that turned out to be worth, well, a fortune. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] says that he used numbers contained in the witty message of an after-dinner cookie, numbers that were worth a million dollars, it turned out.

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Word play: Next time you sit down for a game of Scrabble, confuse your opponents with words like besty, ew and zomboid. You’re sure to be challenged, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], but take the challenge and turn to the Merriam-Webster Scrabble Dictionary and prove these three “new words” and more have been officially added to the lexicon. A besty is, of course, a very close friend. Ew is an expression of disgust. And, a zomboid is just what you think it is—someone with a zombie like demeanor.

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Grand pianos: Piano solos can be inspiring. Piano duets can be whimsical. But, you might think that more than 600 pianists banging out a tune by Schubert [his Marche Militaire in D Major] could be a bit overwhelming. But, the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] reports that Franz, himself, would have approved when a melodious mob – 639 pianists to be precise – took to the stage and surrounding streets in a town in China with their grand pianos. They did it for the love of the classics and to get themselves into the Guinness Book of World Records.

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Some nightcap: True aficionados of whisky are willing to pay dearly for a sip of an extraordinary scotch. Some would pay hundreds, thousands and even tens of thousands of dollars for a bottle of a rare distilled spirit. For example, a flask of Isabella’s Islay scotch once sold for more than $6 million. But, notes the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], the bottle was made with white gold and adorned with 8,500 diamonds and 300 rubies, which probably had something to do with the price tag. But, AMAC says more recently a bottle of Macallan scotch that was distilled in 1927 sold for $27,000 in 1994 and just recently changed hands for a whopping $1.1 million.

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Equine mischief: A skittish horse at the famed French racetrack, Domaine de Chantilly, bucked and threw his jockey recently and then headed straight for a nearby bar. Customers scattered and ducked for cover as the skittish steed galloped from one end of the establishment to the other, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. You can bet that Paris was abuzz with jokes about horses and bars. Perhaps you will recall the one about the horse that walked into a bar and was asked by the bartender: “why the long face.”

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The stuff that smiles are made of…

They got a kick out of her: Kaylee Foster was recently crowned Homecoming Queen at Ocean Springs High School in Mississippi, but that didn’t stop her from trading in her tiara for a football helmet shortly thereafter. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] says Kaylee just happens to be a place kicker on the school’s football team and she apparently is a pretty accomplished player. And, it was good thing she was on hand because the game was tied in overtime and Kaylee kicked the winning goal.

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The flying Lamborghini: The successful test flight of a drone-like flying passenger car has encouraged a Philippines inventor to seek investors to fund mass production, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. He has high hopes and says ”I wanted it to be a sports car, a flying Lamborghini, maybe.”

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Attack of the moths: Residents of the French town of Oyonnax must have scrambled to put their woolens in a safe place recently when a massive swarm of moths gathered in in the center of town. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] reports that the whole thing was caught in a cell phone video by a resident who arrived late one night to find the insects circling around street lights and trees.

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The punch line was a payoff: A pair of practical jokers hit the jackpot when they surreptitiously put up a homemade poster on the wall of their local McDonald’s in Houston, TX. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] says it all started when the two noticed that the eatery was adorned with multiple posters showing individuals of various ethnicity noshing away at their fast food of choice. As Jevh Maravilla explained it: “They had other races, but no Asians, so we felt like it was our duty to put ourselves up there.” It took a while, but after painstakingly producing photos of themselves eating store bought fries and putting together a rather professional looking advertisement, they quickly and quietly put it up on a blank wall. And, they taped their escapade from start to finish and posted it on YouTube. They were secretive about their project because they thought the store and the company might frown on their endeavor. Instead, McDonald’s recently presented each of them with $25,000 for their efforts. You might say it was a joke with a very rewarding punch line.

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What a little determination can do: Daniel Grinnell of Rochester, NY was determined to buy lottery tickets that day so when he found that the ATM at his favorite Fastrac café was on the fritz, he went to another store to place his bets. It was a lucky decision, not because he was able to withdraw funds from their ATM and wound up winning $27, but because he returned to the Fastrac used his winnings to pay for new scratch-off tickets one of which was worth $3,000,000 and which netted him a $1,558,576 lump sum payment after Uncle Sam got his share.

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Who was that masked man: A woman in Pinellas County, Florida woke up one morning recently to find a “masked” intruder in her bedroom. She, of course, called the cops. But, explains the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], he didn’t mean her any harm. He probably was looking for something to eat, as raccoons are wont to do. The Pinellas County Sheriff’s office posted photos of the furry critter and the deputy who came to the woman’s rescue on its Facebook Page.

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The stuff smiles are made of…

The business of dying: Death is big business in Japan and the competition is fierce, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. The population over there is aging at a quickening pace, and so is the demand for funerals and funeral services. In fact, innovative Japanese entrepreneurs have come up with new ways to cash in on that demand. Take the funeral parlor that has begun offering drive-thru funerals. Meanwhile, the frenzy to cash in on the business of dying caused quite a stir not long ago when Amazon began offering a rent-a-monk service and a competitor began offering the services of a robotic “monk.” Who was it that said, dying is easy; comedy is hard?

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How did he do it: Police took a homeless man with no arms into custody in South Beach, FL. recently for allegedly assaulting a tourist. Police say he stabbed the victim with a pair of scissors clutched in his feet, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. Apparently, he is quite adept at using his feet in place of hands and is known in the neighborhood for sidewalk works of art.

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Down the rabbit hole: And you thought the White Rabbit was a fictional character in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland who leads Alice into Wonderland down the rabbit hole. Well, reports the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], he’s for real. Londoners who commute via buses and the tube, as they say in England, took to social media to keep track of the mysterious bunny’s whereabouts. And, some of them have shared snapshots of the cute critter. Others posted comments such as “I saw him on the overground to hackney the other day.. he’s very busy & important, rarely late” and “I have seen that bloody rabbit in Hackney, was sure I was hallucinating.”

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Real fat cats: A pair of fat cat New Yorkers are bound to get even fatter considering the inheritance they just received. No, they’re not obese rich guys; they are real fat cats—the feline kind, explains the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. Their owner – a recently deceased 88-year-old woman with an estate worth some $3 million – left the kitties a cool $300,000 inheritance.

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Job-hunting: If you are looking for a new line of work, you may want to view this posting on the U.K. Web site, http://www.childcare.co.uk/profile/2398492. There you’ll find a posting for the position of nanny, but this is not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill kind of baby-sitting assignment. It comes with a few surprising and rewarding perks, say the folks at the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] who spotted the listing. They include a salary of $128,000, the free-time use of a some pricey automobiles, including a Porsche, a Range Rover and a Maserati, and three gourmet meals a day prepared by a top-rated international chef. So far, the family has collected more than 1,000 applications but apparently hasn’t found the right candidate as yet. There’s international travel involved as well since the family has homes in London, Barbados, Cape Town and Atlanta.

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The stuff that smiles are made of…

Highway robbery: Fayette County, GA police are on the hunt for thieves with a hankering for Japanese noodles, reports the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. The highway robbers got away with a tractor-trailer parked at a Fayetteville gas station carrying a load of ramen packets worth nearly $100 thousand. It begs the question: where can they find a fence who specializes in stolen noodles.

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And the music played on: It’s common knowledge that opera lovers are a special breed. Their devotion to the works of Puccini, Mozart and Verdi can border on the fanatical. And, many of them have a favorite opera that they will listen to more than any other. But, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], one aficionado in Slovenia may have taken her love of La Traviata too far. She was arrested for playing her recording of Giuseppe Verdi’s masterwork too loud and too often. It seems she started playing it 16 years ago to drown out the barking of a neighbor’s dog and never stopped playing it, day after day. If convicted at her court appearance, she faces up to six months in jail.

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Soup’s on: A Vietnamese food company celebrated its 55^th anniversary by feeding a crowd of about 2,000 in Ho Chi Minh City with a three ton bowl of beef soup.   The gesture was so grand that it secured the company a place in the Guinness Book of World Records, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. The VIFON foods company assigned 55 chefs to prepare the soup using more than 336 pounds of fixins, 130 pounds of beef brisket, more than 46 pounds of seasonings and about 2,466 pounds of hot water. The crowd literally ate it up. And they said too many cooks spoil the soup.

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The stuff that smiles are made of…

Row, row, row your boat: Here’s a world record worth reporting: a high school teacher used his summer break to row 2,000 miles across the Atlantic in 38 days, 6 hours and 49 minutes, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. Bryce Carlson, who teaches at Seven Hills School in Madisonville, OH, crossed the Atlantic alone from Canada to England, topping the previous solo record of some 53 days. He told reporters: “I capsized about a dozen times, give or take. All occurred while I was inside the cabin, most while I was awake, “tailbone pretty badly.” On the bright side, he lost between 10 and 15 pounds.

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A dog-eat-dog competition: The sport of surfing is going to the dogs. At least it is in Pacifica, CA, which hosted this year’s World Dog Surfing Championships, reports the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. The event, which is billed as “the premier dog surfing” competition, first took place in 2006 in San Diego. It was a won of a kind contest that has since spawned similar events around the world.

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They said it wouldn’t last: And, here’s a world record that requires stamina, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. It’s the one for the oldest living married couple. The record keepers at Guinness announced recently that a Japanese couple managed to celebrate their 80^th wedding anniversary due to their longevity. He is 108-years-young and she is a mere 100.

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The stuff that smiles are made of…

The good thief: She left her wallet, containing $160, at a Walmart store in Clinton, AR. She returned and retrieved the wallet but found that a thief had removed the cash. But the crook turned out to be “a good thief” and, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], a few days later anonymously dropped off an envelope at the police station. It contained the stolen cash and a note addressed: “To the lady that left her wallet at Walmart.” It read, in part, “please forgive me as I always strive to have integrity, and that day I failed miserably.”

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A hairy story: A six-month old baby girl in Japan has become something of an international celebrity after her mother posted photos of her sporting a full head of “lush” black hair. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] reports that “Baby Chanco,” as the infant is known, has some 150,000 followers on Instagram. Her hair has been growing so fast and thick since her birth that her Mom has been taking her to a beauty parlor for frequent haircuts.

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Fly me to the moon: Here’s a gift for newlyweds that is truly out of this world: a titanium plaque etched with their names that will orbit the earth in space for a hundred or more years. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] says the Warp Space Company of Japan offers to launch the personalized commemorative wedding plaques into space for $270 each. Interested? Email them for more information.

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The stuff smiles are made of…

Merry Christmas: It’s Christmas in July, at least for 150 Santas who traveled from around the world to attend the 61st World Santa Claus Congress in Copenhagen, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. One Santa from the U.S., who has attended the event for 12 years in a row, told the Reuters News Agency that more and more Kris Kringles have been choosing to dress like an American Santa. Danish Santas, for example, have traded in their traditional gray suits for red suits, white fur trimmed nightcaps, black boots and wide black belts. And, if you doubt the popularity of Old Saint Nick in the non-English speaking world, consider this: Japanese kids are now among the world’s most prolific writers of letters to Santa. As they say in Japan during Yuletide, Merīkurisumasu!

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Harken to the swan song: England’s annual swan count is underway. The “Swan Upping,” as they call it, is an 800-year-old traditional way of counting how many swans live on the Thames River, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC]. Starting in the 12^th Century the mute swans of England were declared to be the property of the ruling monarch. They were considered a delicacy in those days, a meal fit for a king or a queen. They don’t eat swans any more; modern monarchs are environmentally minded. Instead, Upping is an eco-friendly way to keep track of the swan population.

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Used couch gets ‘friended’ on Facebook: Someone disposed of a used couch along a road in West Melbourne, FL and it quickly became the town’s hot spot. It didn’t take long for local residents to begin accessorizing the sidewalk sofa. Locals soon provided such conveniences as a throw rug, a coffee table and various and sundry other decorative and practical items. There are no immediate plans to remove the couch. Residents seem have grown fond of it, even creating a Facebook page for the settee with more than 6,000 followers.

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The stuff that smiles are made of…

Florida cop engages in slow speed chase: Deputy Bryan Bowman spotted a slow mover on the road – a very slow mover. In fact, says the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], it was a tortoise. Bowman tried to coax the miscreant off the road, but the testy turtle snapped at him. So the cop got back into his patrol car, turned on the flashing lights atop his vehicle and followed the critter for 20 minutes until the tortoise veered off into the woods. Bowman caught the whole thing on video, which the Marion Country Florida Sherriff’s office posted on Facebook. On the video, the deputy is heard saying: “The nerve of this guy. He’s literally going one mile per hour in a 30 mile per hour zone.”

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Costly Joy ride: It was his dream come true when a Virginia man, whose identity police have not revealed, picked up his brand new McLaren 720S. According to the Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC], the manufacturer says the $300,000 sports car “embodies our relentless quest to push the limits of possibility.” But the next day the proud new owner of a genuine supercar pushed its speed limits and his dream turned into a nightmare. He wrapped the costly car around a tree and totaled it. His injuries were not life-threatening, but his ego must have suffered, particularly when the Fairfax County, VA Police Department posted a picture of the wreckage and this message on Facebook: “Purchased Friday. Totaled Saturday.”

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Napping for dollars: If you are 18 years of age or older and enjoy taking cozy, comfortable naps, this paid internship is for you. The Association of Mature American Citizens [AMAC] reports that Mattress Firm is taking applications for what it calls a “Snoozetern.” The company says that their new “in-house bed tester” must be proficient in napping and will be sleeping on the job for a period of three months.

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